Tara Conner had dreamed of becoming Miss USA since she was a little girl. But when she was crowned in 2006, she was numb to the world and struggling with an addiction.

Conner turned to alcohol and drugs to avoid dealing with her emotions and the disease took over, leaving her emotionless, she said at Caron Treatment Centers' Richard J. Caron Award of Excellence dinner Thursday.

"I couldn't tell you what joy was," Conner said. "I didn't know what peace of mind was. I didn't know how to carry myself. I had a mask for every single day. I could be anyone that you needed me to be and that's a very sad person to be. I had no idea who I was."

Conner's underage drinking became a public scandal months into her reign. She was nearly dethroned, but pageant owner Donald Trump didn't fire her. Instead, she spent a month in rehab at Caron Treatment Centers, South Heidelberg Township.

Conner has been sober for nearly 21/2 years and is finding comfort in writing songs. She's working on a country music album.

At the dinner, Conner tearfully thanked Caron for making her recovery possible.

"Caron gave me the platform to live," she said.

Instead of living in fear, she now lives in faith, Conner said before her talk.

She encouraged young women struggling with drugs and alcohol to be unafraid to ask for help.

Nearly 700 people attended the 18th annual dinner, held in the Reading Crowne Hotel in Wyomissing. The event raised $240,000 for scholarships to Caron's adolescent treatment center.

Contact Erin Negley: 610-371-5047 or enegley@readingeagle.com.